Anxiety

Been up since 6am again, woke up & couldn't get back to sleep. Spent the whole night having anxiety dreams/nightmares, woke up at 6 feeling like someone had been trying to tear my arms off all night (slept on them wrong).
one of the dreams was of one of the family trips i took to the coast when i was in high school, we went the wrong direction because my parents thought New Port was near Astoria (WRONG) and didn't bother to check their assumption with a map before hand, we spent an entire afternoon driving along a winding, cliff faced, coastal highway (a NIGHTMARE for me, i don't like the ocean or heights, or precarious roads) so that was a pleasant memory/dream as you can imagine.
The rest of them were, naturally, about the court case, the asshole DA, etc. I DESPERATELY wish i could close my eyes & just make it all go away. I don't want to deal with it and i'm not coping at all well with it. Some of them were about school, i don't know WHAT i'm thinking even considering taking classes at a location out on barbur blvd. of all places (especially NIGHT COURSES, ah HELL NO). trying to find a college that will allow me to take the career step distance learning course & pay for it with my pell grant, otherwise i guess i'll just take classes at PCC...though that wont get me a job. *sigh*
I'm terribly depressed and I'm home alone today...and it doesn't appear as though anyone is online to talk to.
Trying to talk blaine into moving early & having amber find roommates to replace us so we don't have to break the lease, i need OUT OF HERE. I wish we were still considering Canada, it felt like it held so much promise, but blaine doesn't want to go and gods knows i can't get by without him (and he can't get by any better without me) *sigh* I just want out.