People like my brothers & parents, people who used to push me around when i was young, the da, basically anyone who ever treated me like shit...ya know, the people who have made me what i am today (a barely in touch nutter who is functional enough NOT to fly off the handle and actually act on these impulses, but too unhinged to function in society).
it was fairly theraputic, kind of like my own personal episode of JTHM. Like i said, its nothing i'd ever actually act on, but indulging in a little mental fantasy about doing so is healthy...
*steel toed boot to aaron's groin* just because you're bigger than me DOESN"T mean i can't drop your ass and futher more it DOESN"T mean that you scare me.
*sharp blow to jason's solar plexus* thats for the time that YOU flipped out and YOU lost control & tried to kill me you worthless sack of human waste
*serious punishment delivered to my controlling mothers smug bitch face* you vowed not to turn into your mother & YET LOOK WHAT HAPPENED YOU CONTROLLING HARPY!
*decent kick in the ass delivered to don* YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE STOOD UP FOR ME MORE! i don't care if i wasn't YOUR blood child, YOU were the father figure & SHOULD HAVE ACTED LIKE IT!!
*tie grandma to a chair & explain to her one point at a time HOW she fucked up and WHY i'm so screwed up...IT WAS LARGELY YOUR FAULT! you & mother & aunt suzzane trying to turn me into a 50's sitcom house wife FUCK YOU ALL*
i feel REALLY sorry for the poor son of a bitch who decides to push me to far & too hard some day, because when you have this ammount of bottled & distilled rage caused by PTSD all it takes is a little push too far, a little too much preasure and KABOOM! we explode...do you know what happens then? the provoker then takes on the image of EVER face thats ever laughed at your or mocked you, the voice of ever unkind abusive word that was ever shouted in your ear, they morph into a mass of ever one who ever did something to get you to that point...and then...they become an ephigy which you BURN!...more like beat into a bloody mass on the pavement...
i don't like the idea of being that kind of person but nonetheless forces beyond my control have brought me to this point...all i can do is hold myself back, this is why i stay home most of the time of late, because i feel myself getting too close to that point too often and i can't let myself loose it and get pushed that far because then you've simply become another one of them...'you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villan' i was never much of a hero, but with each passing day i feel a bit more villified...'what doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger' and if thats not true i don't know what is.
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