As i have been feeling horendously and rather soul crushingly depressed of late and as i am alone at home all day today, i decided to watch a couple of tear jerker movies to help me exhaust some of my excess sad. I'm tired of venting it to my friends because then they get upset that they can't do anything to make it better and it just adds more fuel to my sad tank until i'm drowning in my own emotions (quite literally).
So i started with the two part golden girls episode form season 5 'sick & tired' in which Dorothy is diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (same thing i have) that helped a bit. Then i moved on to '10 things i hate about you' i don't know why but this one always makes me tear up off & on throughout...makes me sentimental or something i guess, i honestly don't know. But it wasn't quite pulling the right strings hard enough, so i was thinking to myself 'what do i have thats really REALLY sad, like heart breakingly sad' then it hit me...watch 'Broke Back Mountain' you haven't seen it yet and you KNOW its a tear jerker. So i did...and i reviewed on my twitter as i went (i'm a geek, i'm a home body, i have no life no more, it amused me so sue me lol)
Tear jerker is the BIGGEST understatement of the millenium...the movie was beautifully crafty, thought provoking, honest, and it makes you feel like someone reached into your rib cage and ripped your heart out then stomped on it with stilletos, picked what was left up and put it into a blender and hit frape' (at least that was the effect i got) it was SOOOOO heart breakingly sad.
I understand why they had that fight they did, its easier as a man to react with anger than acknowledge that you feel weak and vulnerable and that you're scared...i know that (i've been on both sides of the fence). What i just don't understand about the world then (or the world now) is why can't ya just let us alone? why can't we have our happy endings? how is my loving my partner as much as you love yours (or more) ANY threat to you? the cognitive disonense on this issue has always just completely dumb founded me.
On a positive note, after crying my guts out over this HEART BREAKING tragic gay love story, i am feeling significantly better. I REALLY needed to get all those tears out. Most people think i'm weird for it but you NEED to cry and when you can't get it to come out on its one, i use a tear jerker of some variety to spur it on...its healthy, its theraputic, and it helps keep you from getting ulcers like i developed in my teen years because i DIDN'T vent my emotions often enough, it eats you from the inside out litterally.
On a further positive note, the court dude who delivers subpeanoas just dropped by and according to him they drag their feet and drag their feet and 90% of the time they end up pleaing out, it takes about 6 months and they fuck everyones life up in the process but they almost ALWAYS plead out. and this guy is the same one whos delivered my last subpeanoas and he's very compastionate & kind (and not bad looking...reminds me of detective John Munch in his appearance & mannerisms slightly) he's a nice man. I told him that the DA had told me they have a meeting tomorrow to see if they can swing a plea so hopefully i'll get word here early next week that they have, otherwise WHOOPEE i get to go to court (there will be HELL TO PAY if i have to...may this guy never sleep peacefully again in his life, but we've already sent as much of that one his way as possible...he'll get his, karma just takes time).
and now i think i may go out for a little while, i need to get some wine to try & lure & kill some gnats, gods they're annoying, and once they get into your kitchen its hard to get rid of the fuckers GODS!
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